Radhanath Swami on Relationships

Radhanath Swami on relationships

“Feelings of affection may come and go, but as foundational, there should be respect for each other and care for each other.” – Radhanath Swami

Physically we care for each other by providing with necessities: housing, clothing, health and other physical needs. But emotional care is also very essential: we have a responsibility to each other to make each other happy. Everyone needs appreciation and everyone needs encouragement.

So many ladies come to me and say, “My husband doesn’t care about me; he doesn’t like anything I do.” And when I go to the husband I ask him, “Do you care about her?” and he says, “Yes of course.”

“Do you like what she does?”

“Yes, I love what she does.”

“Do ever tell her?”

“Why should I ever tell her? She should know!”

But unless she is on a transcendental platform, your spouse is not going to know what you are feeling unless you tell her.

I learnt a lot watching my mother and father. My mother used to say, “I cook three hours every night and your father doesn’t even like it.” Then would ask my father, “Do you like…..” And he would say, “I love it.”

“Did you ever tell her?”

“Well! I think I did… maybe I didn’t; but she should know.”

“But she doesn’t know!”

Communication is so important. Sometimes in marriage we communicate with everybody except the person we are living with. That communication – honest communication, where we really do express our appreciation for each other, express our affection for each other, express it in such a way that we encourage each other – it is very critical for a proper relationship.

Radhanath Swami quotes the example of Ram and Sita

“These examples may seem extreme. But models are usually extreme. It is the principle that the two of them embody that we should strive to imbibe: devotion to each other and devotion to dharma.” – Radhanath Swami.

Ram was banished to the forest for 14 years. He told Sita, “You please stay here under the care of my mother and father, and I’ll be back in 14 years.”

“I am coming with you.”

“Not possible. You are a princess! Your whole life you have lived in beautiful palaces. If you come with me, we will be living on the ground, under the trees. You wore the most beautiful silks. If you come with me, you’ll be wearing the barks of trees. You’ve been eating the finest meals. In the forest, there are just raw herbs and whatever fruits we happen to find on the trees. And you have been protected on all sides, but in the forest there are snakes and there are scorpions and there are lions and there are tigers and there are all kinds of wicked people. It is very cold in the winter and very hot in the summer. You have to stay home.”

“For me, to be with you in hell will be like heaven. To be without you in heaven would be worse than hell.”

This was her dedication. Ram was still trying to dissuade her. And ultimately she said, “When I got married to you, my father made a promise that through hard and easy, through prosperity or poverty, I would be with you. Ram you cannot make my father a liar. I am coming with you.” And she came, and she endured all those things on the basis of that dedication.

“Now in India every husband likes his wife to be like Sita, but very few husbands want to be like Ram. But it has to be both ways.” – Radhanath Swami

What was Ram’s faithfulness? What was his dedication? When Sita was kidnapped by Ravana – Ram he was so beautiful, so handsome, there would have been millions of beautiful princesses who would love to be his wife – but Ram searched in the forest for Sita for one full year. And ultimately, for Sita’s welfare he fought an entire world war, just to give happiness and protection to his wife.

These examples may seem extreme. But models are usually extreme. It is the principle that the two of them embody that we should strive to imbibe: devotion to each other and devotion to dharma.

-Radhanath Swami

Now over to you! Please share your experiences and realizations about relationships in the commenting section below.

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  • Kalpana Kulkarni

    Emotional support is very important!

  • Anand Patil

    wonderful article, thanks HH Radhanath swami Maharaj.

  • Satish Rane

    wonderful article. thank you for sharing. hare krishna.

  • Sanjiv

    I have observed that when we are self conscious in a relationship, we tend to get offended very easily but if we are conscious about how to serve the Lord, we easily (often unconsciously) ignore and overlook the small things that otherwise would have disturbed us greatly

    • Anand Patil

      Very nice point, thanks.

  • Sanjiv

    Communication is so important. Sometimes in marriage we communicate with everybody except the person we are living with

  • Singaraju Srinivas

    Simple truth about our relationship with our partner in a marriage life. Living in that relation we can’t even think about it. That’s why we should hear from self realized souls like Radhanath Swami.

  • Sahil Khosla

    Radhanath Swami gives a very important lessons of communication in relations. I often have to express my father’s feeling on behalf of him to my mother….. 🙂

  • Sumit Sharma

    Wonderful!

  • Pradeep Iyer

    Radhanath Swami has trained some very good counsellors for helping people adopt these principles practically

  • Vishnu Walse

    Care & Respect.
    In all relationships, If these two are there as Radhanath Maharaja said then that relationship will be like a strong bond.

  • Kalpana Kulkarni

    True! Communication (in the positive of course!) is most essential for a healthy relationship. And if the family has a common goal of pleasing Krsna, then the relationships are much sweeter.

  • sneha

    Guru Maharaj’s words are so full of wisdom. Thank you for sharing such a nice article. Maharaj emphasizes so much on being dedicated and faithful.

  • biswajitbaruah27@gmail.com

    This is absolutely true

  • Y Raja Shekar

    I fully agree with Radhanath Swami’s wisdom. The active communication is not only necessary in wife and husband relationships but for all kinds of relationships. I heard one seminar by Sridamaji. He says one beautiful point. “Bhakti means active dialogue”. Without proper verbal communication no relationship sustains. So many misunderstandings will crop up based on non-verbal communication in the absence of active verbal exchanges. The whole Bhagavad gita is based on verbal communication between Krishna and Arjuna. The whole process of chanting the names of Lord is verbal communication, calling out to Him for the mercy.

  • biswajitbaruah27@gmail.com

    Radhanath Swami shows the path to spiritual
    growth…

  • Raju K Mewada

    Love and care is one of the most important aspect of human relation..not only human every species of life understand the language of love and care. Here Radhanath Swami has explained nicely importance of verbal communication. This is absolutely true. Many time I have experienced that when my wife prepares some nice food she always expect good comments and reply from me and my children. When we appreciate her she becomes so happy. If we don’t give any reply she just get frustrated. This is what is important. Thank you Maharaj, even we know many times but we could not follow it. I will try to do it now onwards which can keep our relations in healthier condition.

    • Gopinath Chandra

      ha ha. thanks for sharing interesting episodes from personal life.

  • jenna sooriah

    hare krsna….this relationship advice applies to how we treat our grand-parents as well isn’t it….communicating 2 them ….what happens if you do not have time 2communicate….my great-grandmother died this week and I did not have time 2 say good bye… all that we learn by reading and listenin to lectures…..she knew it even by not going 2school….she had a kind word n blessing for everyone of her kids, grand-kids and great-grand kids
    she knew no jealousy, no gossip, no lust, no envy….she had unconditional love, kindness and tolerance for every1….we r younger n more educated n hav joined krsna consciousness but I doubt that we will ever reach her level of consciousness
    she met no devotees….no one…she knew only the four walls of her home but she would talk to her picture of krsna…she was so pious…she would treat the hare krsna mantra as Prasad….we youngsters sometimes we r so stressed wiz work….we rush when doin our japa
    but no one had instructed her on the importance of japa…
    I know that this is all krsna’s master plan
    but I was so busy with my work, handlin my household chores and for the 1st time for janmashtami….I got aservice….and I was going regularly 2 the temple but isn’t takin care of our elders also important…I had gone 2 see last mth n was planning on going the nxt day of her death and I couldn’t call her bcoz she was deaf but then I don’t understand…life is so hectic nowadays….
    but I should hav called…at the end of the day even if she didn’t hear properly I should have called…she jst went away quietly….I don’t no why I was bearing out my feelings so openly….

    • Gopinath Chandra

      very nice to know of ur grandma. I am sure she is hearing ur feelings and feeling happy.

  • Meghana

    relations; specially of spouse and sometimes parents tend to be non-communicative and non-appreciative. each day is new and should be handled with no back-logs of mind or emotion. no burden of any baggage should be carried and mutual understanding is very important. for the relation to blossom and nurture to its potential, necessary time has to be spent too. and this happens when there is mutual respect and will to elevate each other.

  • Sujay

    What Swami says is very true. However, in certain cases even in India, the wife expects her husband to be like Ram, but does not want to be even half of Sita…I dont intend to bring a man vs woman debate but in many cases, the woman does not understand that a certain criticism or suggestion made by the husband is for her own good (Atleast I say it purely with that intention though at that moment the wife may feel I am being harsh )…

    • Gopinath Chandra

      ya. the other side of the story is often ignored.

  • Gopinath Chandra

    I thought the tips are useful even for building good friendship. What do u say friends?

    • Kiran Shetty

      Yes Gopinath Pr, i sincerely feel that any relationship cannot sustain which out the basic principle that we help each other to elevate each other.

      • Gopinath Chandra

        thanks kiran